How to Catch a Jade
by WednesdayRabbit
Summary: A short little story about a Pokemon trainer named Jade, a few of her quirky Pokemon, and a surprisingly fierce battle. Contains "Pokemon Swears", hyperactive mothers, and a shockingly violent Cubone. Reviews are love!


The green-haired teen crouched beside a still Pokémon.

"Typhlosion? Typhlosion, can you hear me? C'mon, get up!" She pushed on the Pokemon's side, hoping to shake it to its feet. The creature didn't budge an inch.

"Typhlosion… Please…" No response. The girl's shoulders slumped, but only momentarily. She squared herself up, took a deep breath, and began pulling on one of the Typhlosion's bulky back legs.

"C'mon, you lazy bum! You're going to get fat! It's time. For. _Adventure_!"

She tugged hard with each word, but the Typhlosion shook her off like a wet leaf, and she landed heavily on her rear. The Pokemon kicked its legs weakly, trying to propel itself further beneath Jade's, the green haired girl's, bed. Unfortunately, her bulky rump prevented her from getting more than halfway into her hidey-hole.

"Gah! You're useless!"

The Typhlosion responded by shifting her bulk into a more comfortable position. Jade draped herself dramatically over the back end of her Pokemon.

Her Pokemon had always been lazy, but she seemed to sleep even more since she evolved into her final evolution a few months before. The Typhlosion was the first Pokemon Jade had ever trained, but she was so lazy she had taken longer to evolve than her other two evolved Pokemon, Swampert and Banette.

"What am I to do with you? You're too big to fit under the bed like you did when you were a Cyndaquil, and I don't really like it when you set the bed on fire. Remember what happened that one time when Zangoose broke in through the window? The whole house nearly burned down! We're lucky we had a Marshstomp around and not a Mudkip!"

The Typhlosion merely snorted.

Jade stood up and brushed the loose fur off of her clothes.

"When was the last time we went out and battled a few kids for their cash, just for the hell of it? Let's go do something! I'll even let you burn stuff!"

There was no response this time.

"Considering the offer? Just get in your pokeball and we can be off!"

Jade tossed a pokeball at the limp form. It bounced off and gently rolled under the bed. The Typhlosion began snoring softly.

Jade threw her hands up in despair.

"Fine! It'll just be me and Swampert. I expect you to make sure Zangoose and Banette don't do anything stupid while I'm gone. You know they get around each other. Got it?"

Jade whirled around and stomped out of the room, snatching her bag as she went out the door.

- 0 – 0 – 0 -

The Cubone ran for his tiny life. He was small for a Cubone, as he was hardly older than a baby, but surprisingly fast for his small stature. He zipped under and around low branches, tree trunks, and shrubs with ease.

That was a very good thing for the Cubone, considering he was being chased by a swarm of Scyther.

He hadn't noticed that they were in a group when he wacked the first one on the head with his bone club. When the angry Scyther turned on him, and then more and more started popping up out of the tall grass and from trees, he realized he was in trouble.

When the first blade-like claw hit him hard enough to put a crack his skull helmet from the left eye socket to the nasal cavity, he realized he may have been at a disadvantage. Normally he would have stood his ground anyway, but when he noticed there was more than one… common sense took over and told him to run.

Which led him to where he was now.

The Scyther were easily faster than the Cubone, but their size and their numbers got in the way. The Cubone would slip between two close-growing trees, and a Scyther would get caught in the gap, narrowly missing the Cubone with its scythe. The Cubone would turn a sharp corner, and two Scyther would crash into each other, long limbs getting tangled together and giving the Cubone a chance to get ahead.

The Cubone snuck a look over his shoulder, just once, to watch the commotion as several Scyther collapsed into a dogpile. He turned back ahead just in time to trip over an unearthed tree root and was sent sprawling to the ground.

He scrambled for his bone club and to fix his helmet, which had been knocked sideways in the fall. He didn't bother to run again when he got up, instead turning to face his opponents. The Cubone knew they had caught up. He shifted his grasp on the club and got ready to fight.

The Scyther stood in a semi-circle around him, scraping their scythes together and chittering angrily, but didn't move forward. Finally, one of the Scyther screeched and leapt forward, most likely the one the Cubone had attacked in the first place.

"SCYYYYYYYY!"

The Cubone braced himself for the barrage of blows that was about to come.

They never reached him.

"Look out!"

A green blur leapt into his vision and crashed into him. The world seemed to slow as he was swept of his feet. The Scyther looked incredibly surprised by the interruption. The Cubone was rather surprised himself, when he realized he'd been swept up into the arms of a human.

He saw the Scyther refocus its angry gaze on him and lunge, swinging a sharp limb. Falling through the air, they had no way to dodge the blow. The Cubone squeezed his eyes shut and waited.

Time caught up.

- 0 – 0 – 0 -

There was a sharp cry of pain cut short by a grunt as they hit the ground. Jade sat up, dazed and breathless. She had made sure to land on her back to avoid crushing the Cubone, which was now dashing back for the bone she had knocked from his little hands when she grabbed him.

A sharp pain lanced through her cheek and she clutched at her face. It was very wet. When she pulled her hand away, she winced at all the blood on her hand. _Great. That might leave a scar._

She jerked her head back up to look at the Scyther still surrounding her. For a moment, she'd forgotten about them! They were looking particularly agitated now, for some reason.

Something clicked in her head. emScyther/em, she thought, emthey don't like red/em. She gaped at the blood on her hand and then back at the approaching Scyther swarm.

"God Diglett. I'm so Mukked."

Jade gulped and thought her last goodbyes to the world…

Just then, a rather panicked looking Swampert crashed through the undergrowth. It jerked its head around the clearing as he took in the scene. The Scyther all paused to stare at this new arrival. Letting loose a terrified wail, he leapt forward and tackled the Scyther closest to Jade.

Everything exploded into motion. The downed Scyther tried to scramble out from beneath the Swampert before being knocked unconscious by a swift blow to the head by the enraged Cubone. The rest of the Scyther immediately fell onto the Swampert. Jade leapt to her feet and nearly fell back over, slightly dizzy. _Blood loss? Shock?_

She couldn't see out of her right eye! She felt around her face, panicked. The gash hadn't reached her eye. It was just blood blocking her vision. Relief filled her, but only for a moment.

Her Swampert was not doing well. He was swinging around, slapping and kicking and punching, knocking the Scyther away, but they were coming back just as quickly as they were sent flying. Their blades weren't penetrating his thick skin very deep, but all those little cuts were going to add up. He had to be in pain.

Jade looked around desperately. If only she had taken Zangoose or Banette too! Even Typhlosion wouldn't have sat back and done nothing in a fight like this.

Her gaze fell on the Cubone, who was attempting to kneecap some of the closest Scyther and failing to do any damage.

She snatched the bone club from him.

"Sorry!"

Running forward, Jade brought the club crashing down onto a Scyther's back. It bounced off the hard exoskeleton, jarring her arms and not gaining the attention from the Scyther for a moment. Undeterred, she gritted her teeth and kept swinging, intermittently yelling at the Scyther to back off and yelling commands for her Swampert.

"Aqua Tail! Behind you! Ice Punch on the left!"

One of her swings connected with the wing of one Scyther, which crumpled easily beneath the blow.

"HA!"

Jade grinned, then immediately winced at the jolt that sent up her cheek. Now she knew how to really help Swampert!

The Scyther she whacked immediately turned toward her swinging. With a yelp, she fell over backwards and the blade passed close enough to her face for her to feel the air. Did it touch her? Her cheek stung so bad she couldn't tell if any more damage had been done or if she had managed to dodge in time.

This was not working. At all. At this rate, they might actually die! It was time for the last resort.

"Swampert! Know how you're not supposed to use Outrage anymore? I think now's a good time for it!"

Swampert reared up on his hind legs to give Jade a horrified look over the cluster of Scyther.

"Just do it!"

She didn't wait to see if he decided to obey or not. She just turned and ran for cover, snatching the Cubone up and tucking him under one arm as she went. She dived behind a thick-trunked tree, clutching the Cubone and his club to her chest as she waited.

Almost immediately, the sounds of the battle changed. The furious Scyther cries rose in pitch, some sounding more frightened, some sounding more pained. The Swampert's heavy breathing and pained yelps were replaced by silence.

Jade could hear thick branches snapping and heavy thumps as Scyther were flung around the clearing.

Not long after they started, the sounds changed to rustling bushes as the remaining Scyther fled. True silence fell in the forest.

The Cubone began struggling in her arms, but Jade held onto him firmly. She waited a few moments longer. When she heard a light thump, she decided it was safe to come out.

Her Swampert was stumbling around the clearing, in a confused daze. It was clear he had just run headfirst into a tree. His numerous, light cuts trickled blood. The Scyther that hadn't been able to flee littered the area, unconscious and still twitching.

He turned to look at Jade, blinking at her without any signs of recognition. He took another step forward and lost his balance, falling backwards and pin wheeling his arms comically.

Jade rushed to his side, rummaging through her bag for a Confuse Heal. When she found what she was looking for, she opened the bottle and dumped the contents down his throat.

The Swampert immediately made a face at the disgusting taste, and shook his head as the fog of confusion cleared. He rolled over and climbed to his feet. He gave Jade a concerned look, nosing her cheek then licking the blood off her face.

Jade made a face and protested, but sat still. The blood was being cleared from her eye, and his thick, slimy saliva was rather soothing.

"Cuu."

Jade and Swampert looked up at the Cubone, which had climbed to a tree branch to look down at them. The Swampert eyed the Cubone nervously, who just snorted at him.

Jade stood up and walked toward the Cubone until he was just over head. She realized that he was green instead of the soft, light brown they usually were. She hadn't noticed before with all the action around them. Was he really green or did she hit her head at some point during the fight?

"You're green."

The Cubone narrowed his eyes at her through his mask.

Jade smiled at him, and held up a clump of hair that wasn't coated in blood or Swampert spit.

"I'm green too, see? Thank you for trying to help Swampert. That was very brave of you. And I'm sorry I took your bone. You're not hurt, are you?"

The Cubone shook his head.

Jade looked around absently.

"Where's your trainer? Is he nearby?"

The Cubone shook his head again.

"Do you have a trainer?"

Shake.

Jade put a finger on her chin and appeared to think very hard about something.

"Want to stay with me, then?"

The Cubone stared down at her suspiciously.

"We can go on adventures, you'd have a warm place to sleep, I'll make sure you'll have plenty of food... It'll be fun! You'll see!"

She held out her arms and grinned, waiting for the Cubone to leap into them so they could all go home together.

The Cubone stood still, thinking about the arrangement. Then he leapt from the tree…

…And brought his club down on Jade's head.

- 0 – 0 – 0 -

Jade woke up in her own bed a few hours later. Her mom was sitting in a chair beside her, knitting a sweater for what looked like a rather round Pokemon as she waited for her to awaken.

Her whole head throbbed and she winced as she sat up.

"Ow."

Her mom dropped her yarn and needles and smiled at her daughter. She didn't seem too worried about how Jade was injured.

"Oh, good, you're awake! You're father bandaged you up and made sure you didn't have a concussion, then went to work. He didn't want to go at first, but I told him you'd be fine."

Jade's father had been a fighting type trainer nearly his whole life, and had recently received his certification to open his own gym. He knew exactly how to patch someone up after a rough brawl.

Jade's mother scratched at her red curls and smiled pleasantly. Jade scrunched up her face as she tried to remember what happened after the Scyther had been defeated.

"So… What happened, mom?"

Her mother clapped her hands and jumped up. She danced around the room in excitement as she spoke.

"It was terrifying at first! I was in the egg nursery, and just happened to look outside as Swampert came up the hill with you draped over his back and a shiny Cubone in tow!"

She paused her movements long enough to point to the corner of the room, where the Cubone was fiddling with his club and glaring at them both.

"The poor thing was hysterical… your Swampert, that is. Not the Cubone. The Cubone was rather out of sorts, though. He doesn't seem very friendly."

Jade noticed a small knot on her mother's forehead.

"Anyway, your Swampert was hysterical and the Cubone was going nuts and your Typhlosion burst out of the house, blazing up a storm when she saw you were hurt! Everyone was going crazy!"

She paused for a moment.

"I'm not sure where your Zangoose and Banette were, actually. Probably trying to kill each other again. But whatever. Then your father came running to see what was going on… He put an end to all their nonsense! He sent Swampert to go get bandages, and Typhlosion to go make your bed, and then he kicked the Cubone almost all the way across the yard when it wouldn't stop hitting things! He was so calm, so sure of himself…"

Jade could almost see the hearts in her mother's eyes. Her mother blinked the memory away and looked back at Jade.

"Anyway, that's how you got there! Ah, let me get you something to drink!"

The woman dashed out of the room before Jade had time to even request a beverage.

Jade felt the bandages on the side of her face. The cut still throbbed, but it was more annoying than anything else.

A noise at her door. Jade looked up as Typhlosion lumbered in. She was carrying something in her mouth. She turned and snarled at the Cubone before fully entering the room.

"Jade smiled at her furry friend and waited quietly as she approached the bed. Typhlosion paused and stared at Jade before finally dropping her burden beside Jade's hand. It was the Typhlosion's pokeball.

Jade grinned as Typhlosion nosed it closer to Jade.

"Is this your way of saying you'll come with me next time?"

The Typhlosion only huffed and rolled her eyes before lumbering back out of the room. Jade didn't speak the Pokemon language, but the meaning of that was clear enough.

_"How on earth do you even survive without me?"_


End file.
